New Substack Story: NO-SEE-UMS

I saw a no-see-um the other night and it freaked me out. I mean, if you can see a no-see-um, what the fuck is going on here? I also have floaters, which further complicates the whole thing. Supposedly, no-see-ums means you can’t see them, right? There’s nobody there, and yet you have these vicious little bites all over your body. Even if you’re wearing clothes; even if you have a sweater over your shirt, your entire body is itching like a son-of-a-bitch. Floaters, on the other hand, are visible. You see-um. There they are, floating from here to there. But-- and this is the major point -- they’re not there. Okay? They’re like Tinkerbell. Sometimes you can see her; sometimes you can’t. She wafts in; she waves her little sparkly magic wand and poof -- she’s gone. But was she there? Only If You Believe. That’s the deal. So, c’mon people out there in App-land, you believe in floaters, don’t you? If you do, if you really believe -- clap your hands! That’s right, Applanders -- clap your hands so the little fuckers don’t die!...READ MORE on Substack and subscribe!